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Are you judgemental? I am sure most of us would probably swear that we don’t do that shit. Half of us define ourselves as non- judgemental and tolerable people?, we aren’t one to judge others based on any criteria. We simply drink a glass of chilled water and mind our business?- with no care in the world for other people’s matters. The words in the picture below would most probably be your answer right??
Well, well ,well allow me to be the one assigned to burst that bubble of yours you are judgemental. You might not even notice it but the truth is that you’re. If anyone had asked me if I was judgemental I would have said and even sworn that I’m non judgemental to my bones ( if that’s a thing). But then I realized recently that being judgemental isn’t just about looking in someone’s face saying things to hurt or speaking about them behind their back or getting one’s nose into the personal lives of other or things like that.
The word judgemental for me personally is simply all about carving an opinion about a situation or person based on what has been seen, heard or been talked about. Most times it can be an honest criticism or just plain hating.
Been judgemental can be both a good thing and a bad thing. After all for every positive there is usually one or more negatives right. This whole thing about been non judgemental is just a term it really doesn’t apply as long as you’ve a mind and as long as you have thoughts and imaginations.
Now let me tell you a story about how I discovered that just like most people I am actually judgemental except unlike some people most of my judgemental behavior applies only subconsciously.
So basically I was reading or attempting to read in class when a lady walked into the class and the first thing I noticed was how loudly she talked especially as she was making a phone call and in my mind I was like “what’s even wrong with her,can’t she look around and see that other people are reading as well”- now that was me judging her by the tone of her voice and yet I don’t even know who she is but my impression and judgement was that she’s a loud mouthed fellow.
Now there are numerous examples I could give and I am sure you guys will relate to, have you ever been walking through a mall or just along the road and you see someone wearing something you feel is weird or absurd maybe cause there is a mismatch in colors and in your mind you’re like ” that shirt would have gone better with another color” and just keep on walking. Are you seeing my point? I am sure the reason you never saw yourself as judgemental was because you don’t usually spill your thoughts out loud.
Well there it’s ladies and gents we all at different points and usually everyday will always see things that we don’t agree with either on people, in others or around our society and in our mind we dissect the ways we don’t agree with so and so and just move on. But now been judgemental isn’t always as harmless as this, some people take their “judging role” way too seriously- this is when we begin to see negativity.
When people talk about been judgemental our mind immediately goes to toxic people or experiences we have witnessed or even be a part of. But been judgemental isn’t always a bad thing.
In fact been judgemental isn’t bad but the way we go about passing it across is what becomes a problem. Been judgemental is perfectly normal , it’s a part of who we’re as human beings, it’s a part of our thoughts but the actions that comes forth from those thoughts is what could define whether you are been negatively or positively judgemental.
Being negatively judgmental is all about been overly critical of other people in a way that is designed to hurt them or trample on their self esteem. Now sometimes it can be unintentional as some people really don’t have the slightest idea how to voice their opinion without been overly assertive while others do this out of some sort of hate or due to past events. I’m sure we all or most of us at the least have been at the brunt of this. People who exhibit such mean attitudes leave me speechless to be sincere. I actually have no words to classify it, fine you don’t like what Amanda is putting on well for your information Amanda wore it because she wanted to and felt beautiful in it, I feel like in cases like this except you’re close to the person you have no reason going up to a person and spilling shit about what he or she is wearing. Even if y’all are close ,this is where positive criticism comes in, it might be that Amanda’s dress is too exposing well as a friend or someone who has some sort of relation to her it’s your job to pass across this opinion in a way that she doesn’t feel attacked. That’s the mistake most people make, they feel like they’re actually giving an honest opinion meant to be of some help but the way they put it across makes the person feel targeted and attacked especially when accompanied with hurtful words or mean comparisons meant to let their opinion(s) sink in.
Most times we don’t even need to actually speak to even send across signals to someone that you’re been negatively judgmental, your attitude or behavior and even the body signal you might give off to an observant person already gives you off as a negative or toxic person. Most times people actually don’t come to us even those we’re close to prefer going elsewhere when they need honest opinion because they are scared of what you would say or do when your opinion is required. Most times our opinions and behavior in the name of been critical actually scars people.
Now how is it possible for one to be positively judgemental, well in this case people who re positively judgemental have your best interest at heart. Their opinion is for your benefit. For example have your ever bought a dress you personally thought was like the eighth wonder of the world, but then you show your mum or your girlfriend and they point out some errors in the dress in such a way that as they explain all they think is wrong with the dress as much as it might hurt at that point since you love the dress you can actually see their point of view.
You don’t feel attacked or anything most times when people give opinions like this you’re simply upset or hurt because they don’t approve your point of view but at the long run you end up seeing the right into hat advice. When passing out our opinion whether we asked for it or not before actually voicing it out we need to think first of the approach we’re taking. Not everybody takes criticism well that’s a fact but your criticism shouldn’t also be put in such a way as to demean the other person especially when unasked for.
The ability to know when and when not to say certain things is a gift we need to avoid conflicts or hatred, most of us actually have the good to the next person when giving certain advise or when been critical of things about them but we tend too want to prove our point too hard we end up defeating the purpose which is to help the person or show the person why he or she is making a wrong choice.
How to be positively judgemental
Now for one to be regarded as a positively judgemental person , you need to stop jumping into conclusions before talking. Most times we leave our sight and hearing to do the work our brain and heart are meant to do. What we see and hear is meant to work along with our brain.
- Don’t give out opinions or criticism without knowing the full background story. Rushing into conclusions based on what was heard or seen can truly cause damages because we will be judging based on the conclusions we had drawn before even hearing from the person
- If the opinion you want to give wasn’t asked for or isn’t necessary or life saving then please keep it to yourself.
- Don’t be too assertive or forceful while giving your opinion to others , allow them speak their mind and either counter or accept their own opinion without been harsh or mean.
- If you aren’t sure of an information then don’t spread it, gossip in a way can be judgemental. Reason this; half of the people you and your girlfriends gossip about are probably unknown to you, you probably haven’t even talked to the person been gossiped about before but an opinion has already been formed based on others.
- Don’t base your judgement on what you’ve been told by others about the person.
- Your judgement should not be to hurt someone but rather your judgement should be able to to give off a positive impression to the person to behave better or dress better or do better.
- Try to be understanding, before passing off judgements first understand the situation. You might not know what someone else is going through till you’re wearing their shoes.
- Judge not just the things you term as “bad or negative” in a person but the positives as well. For every bad thing you see in a person there are a thousand positives. Look out for those as well and try to voice off those positive opinions as well.
How being judgemental can affect mental health
Unpopular opinion; been judgemental can have adverse effects on your mental health. Why? Well the mental and emotional stress involved in actually putting together the different situations, thoughts, actions, sights and things heard together to produce an opinion of that person or situation can impact negatively on us.
According to https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/the-impact-of-judgmental-thinking-on-your-anxiety-and-depression/ It read;
Responding to events, thoughts and feelings non-judgmentally is not always an easy task. Many confuse non-judgmental thinking with trying to view events more positively. Non-judgmental is not about seeing the silver lining in difficult circumstances. Rather, it is about simply acknowledging the circumstances, feelings or sensations without engaging in opinions and evaluation. It is about accepting the reality of a situation and sticking to the facts in both your speech and thoughts.
Some people are actively tied to their judgments. Letting go of your view of “right” and “wrong” to simply accept what is can require an entirely new approach to understanding your world. But if you are depressed, stressed or anxious, it may be a change worth making.
No one likes to be judged negatively or made to feel lesser than anyone in any ramification , so let’s all do what we would like done to us. Don’t talk because you’ve a voice rather talk because it’s needed and important. Protect your self and others from words that might hurt .
Would love to hear your opinions about this, feel free to leave a comment❤