Emotional abuse series,  Mental health, judgemental, mean, toxic people, anxiety, depression, blogging , blogger, self comparison, negativity, positivity, positive, self love, body shaming, life issues, relationships, love ,l

Emotional abuse part2 – Beware of energy vampires (a guest post).

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This is a beautifully written  post by my blogger in crime Jessica over at http://allformyself.net ,if you haven’t checked out her blog yet then please do so.

Have you noticed that sometimes around certain people you feel overwhelmed, exhausted or even sick to your stomach? Energy vampires are compelled to surround themselves with others who are typically full of life and vibrant, in an attempt to make themselves feel better. Energy vampires appear to feed off your energy in order to alleviate their own internal suffering. Many energy vampires have a hard time with processing their own emotions, showing empathy and lack sensitivity for others.

Energy Vampire

Sick and Tired?

It is not always obvious who energy vampires are, but a good rule of thumb is to be on the lookout for anyone that seems to look to you constantly as a solution to their problems. These people seek out others that are especially caring and empathetic themselves. Passive people who have a hard time setting boundaries appear to be easy victims for energy vampires. You may have more than one in your life and they some in all shapes and sizes. Click here to learn more.

Here are the Most Notorious Energy Vampires:

  • The Narcissist – This person craves control and power. You might not be able to get a word in and will constantly be interrupted. Narcissists are known to violate boundaries like it’s a hobby. They will always appear perfect and rarely accept responsibility for their actions. These are often seen as the “Alpha” males and females. For more on narcissists click here.
  • The Passive-Aggressive – You can hear the sighs and see the eye rolls a mile away. These people always have an issue, but will rarely deal with the issue directly. They procrastinate, avoid confrontation and are vague. They know exactly what pushes your buttons and will guilt you into doing their bidding…all with a smile on their face because they truly just want to “help.”
  • The Drama Queen – These are the people who are always in crisis or living in a chaotic state. They highly exaggerate everything and somewhat enjoy confrontation and being the victim. These negative feelings can become addictive and perpetuate the cycle.
  • The Victim – This person is constantly in need of your help. You have all the answers and solutions they seek. You will be their mother, their counselor, their maid and their nurse.  These people have a hard time taking responsibility for their own lives and mistakes. They can be highly manipulative. They have been known to blame and even blackmail others.
  •  The Judge – Experts at picking on others to make themselves feel better. They love to prey on others insecurities and know exactly how to make you feel bad, so that they can feel better. Most of the time they judge others because they themselves have poor self-esteem.
Energy Vampires
Waiting to Burst Your Bubble

It is best to try and avoid these types of people as much as possible. They will try to mess with your head by intentionally doing and saying things that get under your skin. They will expect you to put their needs above your own. Energy vampires rarely apologize or even see blame in anything they do and tend to make others feel like they are the victims. Start to pay attention to whom you energy decreases around, it might be signs that you are dealing with an energy vampire. Just remember, they are essentially attaching and feeding on a hosts energy.

How to Block Energy Vampires:

  • Positive Vibes – Keeping a positive frame of mind can work wonders. Re-direction is the name of the game with this tip. You need to be able to remind them to see the good in the bad or the silver lining. Don’t let their negative energy penetrate your positive force field. You can always agree to disagree.
  • Keep Your Distance – Plain and simple; walk away. This might be hard if the offender is someone close to you like a family member, friend, child or spouse. Scheduling time in small increments will be instrumental in keeping your sanity. If the energy vampire is someone close, you might need to consider if the relationship is worth keeping.
  • Diffuse – This is easier said than done. Diffusing or de-escalating an energy vampire can quickly shut them down, but it is a delicate process. Once you start to realize who is an energy vampire in your life, start taking notes about what sets them off. By avoiding triggers you can actually prevent energy vampires from exploiting you. If they do start to “attack” try to kill them with kindness and a smile. A good example is if your mother (the energy vampire) asks you to take her out for lunch, but then decides that she needs you to take her grocery shopping, but you already have plans. Just you saying “no” might set her off. Instead sweetly say something like this, “I love running errands with you, but I cannot do it today, can we schedule grocery shopping for another day?” This allows you to control the situation and kindly provide an alternative solution that works for you, not the energy vampire!
  • Set Realistic Expectations – Realize that energy vampires attempts at getting under your skin, are just reflections of their own deep seeded issues.  These people are searching for someone who can help ease their pain and hurt.
  • Know Your Self-Worth – True self-worth comes from within. Know that others do not have the power to influence you. You have a choice in everything you do and you are worthy of maintaining your mental and physical health and wellbeing. Even if you need a bracelet to remind you, always remember you are worthy.
  • Set Boundaries and Limits – Setting boundaries and limitations needs to be a top priority. You must work on your personal and emotional boundaries and be consistent with energy vampires. You must establish what you are willing to do and what you are not. Once you get clear with yourself, it will be easier to be clear with others. Setting time limits, scheduling and organizing events with energy vampires can make your life much easier.
  • Be Direct – Being passive with energy vampires will only make things worse. The only time you might be able to play coy is with the narcissist, when trying to get on their good side prior to setting a boundary. Stating things directly is best when dealing with energy vampires. This does not mean that you need to be rude or bossy, it simply means you are clearly setting boundaries in a way that anyone can understand. You must clearly communicate your needs and limitations. Keep in mind that energy vampires will try to supersede your needs in place of their own. Don’t fall for that trap, maintain your ground.
  • Say No – Saying no is part of setting boundaries. If you are comfortable, just say “no.” Most energy vampires won’t like this and it might cause a bit of a tantrum, but with time it will get easier for both parties. You can refuse anything you do not want to do.

Time
As I have mentioned in other posts, self-care is a big factor in increasing your personal wellness, which can help with blocking energy vampires. Your time is too precious to spend any of it with energy vampires. Helping people is a good thing, just not at the expense of your own wellbeing. Work on developing your own personal boundaries, strength and resilience. This will allow you to have emotional freedom, which will in turn make it easier dealing with energy vampires going forward. Limiting interactions with these people is one of the easiest ways to start dealing with the issue. You can then decide when and where energy vampires fit into your life not the other way around. You are NOT responsible for fixing or solving all their problems, nor are you responsible for helping them to get better. You can lovingly and honestly point them in the right direction, but you cannot force them to change or attempt to do it for them.

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Hey and welcome to my little corner Abbey's chronicles, a blog where I share my raw and unbiased thoughts on issues on mental health, lifestyle, wellness and self care. No topic is ever off limit as long as it affects lives and relationships, it's subject to discussion. This blog strives to provide solace for everyone going through issues they might not be able to talk about on a daily. My name is Abbey, a mental health advocate and enthusiast with a love for helping people who feel alone or are facing issues relating to life and mental health issues with the aim of raising awareness as well as providing succor. This blog was started as an avenue for me to deal with my own monsters. The aim of starting this blog was to for it to serve as some sort of therapy during my darkest times of depression and though it isn't all over yet, I hope this blog serves as a form of therapy to others going through similar issues relating to life and mental health. Finally in my free time I can be seen drownein movies, food, sleep and books. I guess I am a blogger at night and an aspiring medical student at other times.

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