Emotional abuse series part 7 – Dealing with body dysmorphia 2 (a guest post)

Body Dysmorphic Disorder
You avoid mirrors as you’re walking down the mall so that you don’t have to see your huge, nasty arms, under your sweater, in Summer.
“Why do they have to be so big, and fat? Why can’t my arms be like most girls, small, and skinny? Now, I will never be able to wear tank tops, or any short shirts.”
Some people might think that someone that says the above statement is just exaggerating. However, for that person, it’s VERY real.

They don’t have those thoughts, because they want, or need attention, they have those thoughts, because in their eyes, they can only see whats wrong with a certain area of their body, to the point that you may tell them a million times, that they look fine, or that it’s all in their head, and they will think you are lying, because all they can see is what they hate looking at every single day, wishing they could just cut it off, or replace that specific area, or body part.

This is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD. It is a mental health disease, and it’s very real! This is something that I have had to live with personally, and have learned how to deal with it, and shut my thoughts when I get negative thoughts, however it is nothing pleasant, along with any other disease.
Although, no one is perfect, and there are things we might not appreciate that we have, BDD is more disabling than this.

It’s more of an obsession with something you have, that you HATE about yourself, that many times will not let you even go out, or do certain activities, because you cannot fathom the thought to be in public, where others are staring at you, looking at that particular thing you hate so much.
My BDD was with my arms, hands,and my hair. My arms are not as skinny as most girls, they are bigger. Just as when I was smaller I was a bigger girl than most. My hands are bigger than A LOT of other women’s, and my fingers are fatter. My hair is always sticking up in the front, no matter what I do, and when I put hairspray, it just stays sticking up, but now hard as a twig.

It was bad, to the point, that I would REFUSE to leave my house with a shirt that wouldn’t cover my arms, up until my forearm. I would go to the beach with a big shirt over my swimsuit to cover my nasty arms. They were despicable in my eyes, there were times I would grab them, as if I could cut them off with my hand and just squeeze them until they were red, and then end up crying because of how much I hated them.

I wouldn’t dare look at myself in mirrors anywhere to avoid seeing my arms, and my hair sticking up. Why couldn’t I just be a normal girl/ women, with their features.
It’s insane how BDD works, and it is so hard to overcome it! Even though it is hard, it is NOT impossible! Sometimes I would work out endlessly, to the point of fatigue to make my arms loose weight, and even though I was extremely skinny ( Looking back at pictures now) in my eyes, I always had the same huge, nasty, manly arms.

People that suffer BDD usually go to extremes, in hope of eliminating this defect that they see in the mirror, and unfortunately that doesn’t help, because at the end of the day, they still see that flaw that they despise so much in the mirror.
I was finally able to control my disorder last year to be exact, 2018. I married my husband on 2017, and with time he noticed that no matter how hot it was, I would always wear shirts with sleeves, and one day while shopping for more shirts with sleeves, he picked out a sleeveless shirt, and I explained to him why I couldn’t show my arms, because in reality, they were repulsive to me.

He was in shock, not because I actually told him that, but because in his eyes, my arms weren’t even big. HA! Can you believe that? He only said that because he loves me. Those were my thoughts then, with time, a lot of patience from my husband, and with the help of a therapist, I was able to little by little change my mindset. Did it happen overnight? Was there a magic pill that made me love my arms? Uh NO.
Am I cured from BDD? I wish, but no.

Sometimes, I wake up, and I’m picking on myself from the moment I wake up, and sometimes I will wear something will sleeves, because in that day, my BDD took over, however it did not win this fight, because it’s more the days that I don’t even think of the things I hate, more than the days, that I refuse to go outside because of how I look. Some people compare BDD to eating disorders, and I just want to clarify, that they are NOT the same things.

Sometimes a person will be anorexic, but they won’t have a Body Dysmorphic Disorder, because they know they are skinny, they just want to be skinnier. Yes, many people with eating disorders, DO suffer from BDD, like myself, I suffered from BDD first a child, I was only 10 when I started, and then I ended up suffering from Bulimia(Due to something completely different) much later on.

It took SO much effort from my part, but it has been the best thing to ever happen to me. Being able to wear a sleeveless dress, or a tank top without feeling that everyone is staring at you, because you have these HUGE arms, is the best thing ever!
If you, or someone you know suffers from BDD, please talk to someone, preferably a therapist about this. When I was younger, mental health was frowned upon, however now a days, it’s understood, and talked about. You can get the help you need to overcome those negative feelings, and learn how to love yourself, the whole package, not just one part of you, rather everything, that makes you, who you are!

Intro about Dayma & Her Blog- Women Undefined

Hey all! My name is Dayma, I was born in Cuba, moved around a few times, and finally settled in Kentucky, after marrying the love of my life, then shortly after having a beautiful baby girl, and of course my little fur baby, Max! When I am not working on my blog, or my posts, you will most likely find me at a library reading, or at the gym, most probably in the Sauna. (Where I get all my inspiration from! ? )

Growing up I didn’t have the “normal” childhood, I went through many negative experiences, including sexual abuse, and eating disorders amongst others. All this resulted in me having anxiety, and chronic depression as an adult, however that has not stopped me! Instead, it made me realize that I had to use my stories, to grow and inspire others to do the same, therefore one day in the Sauna, I realized that I wanted to be a blogger, and connect with as many women as possible!

Therefore, I created Women Undefined, because no two women are alike, therefore we are all undefined. (See what I did there) This blog was created to help other women gain, and regain confidence in themselves, believe that they can achieve all their dreams and aspirations, and provide them with the right motivation, when they need it the most, which will help them become the very best version of themselves possible!

If I can do it, You can too!

Below are my links-



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Hey and welcome to my little corner Abbey's chronicles, a blog where I share my raw and unbiased thoughts on issues on mental health, lifestyle, wellness and self care. No topic is ever off limit as long as it affects lives and relationships, it's subject to discussion. This blog strives to provide solace for everyone going through issues they might not be able to talk about on a daily. My name is Abbey, a mental health advocate and enthusiast with a love for helping people who feel alone or are facing issues relating to life and mental health issues with the aim of raising awareness as well as providing succor. This blog was started as an avenue for me to deal with my own monsters. The aim of starting this blog was to for it to serve as some sort of therapy during my darkest times of depression and though it isn't all over yet, I hope this blog serves as a form of therapy to others going through similar issues relating to life and mental health. Finally in my free time I can be seen drowning in movies, food, sleep and books. I guess I am a blogger at night and an aspiring medical student at other times.


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