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What men don’t talk about by Stephen Howard

Abuse.
It’s something very few people are willing to talk about, but men most of all. Doubly so if they have been the ones abused.
It’s not really any surprise considering the level of shame that comes with it, and when you have family member stuffing it down, pretending it doesn’t exist. Worse yet, they are in it.

What does this create? A lot of broken men who are told that their feelings don’t matter and that they need to suck it up and deal with it. After all, men don’t cry, right?

Breaking the Stigma

Contrary to popular opinion, men actually feel things very deeply. Our emotions are like the Marianas Trench; they go down, down, down so far that we don’t even know how deep they go!
It’s dark and scary down there, so we don’t like diving down into that darkness. It doesn’t mean that the emotions are wrong, they are just unknown.

These emotions, coupled with abuse, has led many men to addiction, depression, or even suicide. Why?
Because men feel things so deeply, when we are hurt by abuse, we gravitate towards ways of coping with that pain. Whether we remember it or not.

Broken Pieces

When I was four, my grandfather began molesting me in secret and would continue to do so until I was thirteen. No one knew about it, and he presented himself as a loving grandpa. It was all a lie.

That led to a porn addiction that would plunge my teenage years into darkness, and I would not re-emerge from that until I was twenty-five when I got into a recovery group at my church for that very thing.

These memories were repressed up until 2016, with more emerging in the summer of 2018, almost to the day when I had remembered the first time. Let me tell you, it was quite the shock and had me in therapy for several months, and I am still learning how to process those things.

I had to dive into those feelings, had to sit in them and wrestle with them (it wasn’t fun, trust me) and learn to face them, and what’s more, embrace them.

I know I’m not the only one that this has happened to, and what is scary is the number of men I’ve spoken with who have suffered from some form of abuse from a close family member or friend. They just don’t talk about it.

But the time has come to start talking about it. The time has come to stop hiding from our feelings, guys. It’s time for men to begin addressing their emotions in healthy ways, by getting the help that they need. We need to learn that it is okay, to not be okay.

Reach out and talk to your friends. Don’t be afraid to see a therapist. It’s okay to be scared of the “trench” in your life because you’re diving into the unknown. But it’s okay.

Dive deep, friends.

About the blogger

S.D. Howard is a developmental editor & story coach Developmental Editing That Inspires

Twitter : https://mobile.twitter.com/SDHoward3

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Hey and welcome to my little corner Abbey's chronicles, a blog where I share my raw and unbiased thoughts on issues on mental health, lifestyle, wellness and self care. No topic is ever off limit as long as it affects lives and relationships, it's subject to discussion. This blog strives to provide solace for everyone going through issues they might not be able to talk about on a daily. My name is Abbey, a mental health advocate and enthusiast with a love for helping people who feel alone or are facing issues relating to life and mental health issues with the aim of raising awareness as well as providing succor. This blog was started as an avenue for me to deal with my own monsters. The aim of starting this blog was to for it to serve as some sort of therapy during my darkest times of depression and though it isn't all over yet, I hope this blog serves as a form of therapy to others going through similar issues relating to life and mental health. Finally in my free time I can be seen drownein movies, food, sleep and books. I guess I am a blogger at night and an aspiring medical student at other times.

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