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One sided affection

One sided affection or love in relationships and friendships is just one of a few experiences most of us, that’s if not all of us can relate to.

From unrequited love interests to your partner not putting as much effort into the relationship as you would love and to your friend making the friendship seem like more of a burden. It can take different forms but the emotional and physical impact is painful and just hellish to live through.

Friendships and relationships are a two way street. It takes two to tango NOT ONE

abbey

Ever heard the expression “one-sided affection will mentally destroy you” ? One sided affection involves a relationship or friendship where one person cares deeply about the other, makes most / all of the efforts with the other party making little or no effort to reciprocate the affection or care shown. In rare cases the other party might even be unaware of the true feelings of the other.

One sided love leads to affection, this affection leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to depression….. Be aware of this loneliness

Mr Singh

The fact remains we all have different ways of displaying our love for each other.Some are more open in their display while others are less inclined to an open show of affection. But then when in more ways than not you’re always the one giving the love, the attention, the time, the gifts, the sympathy and the shoulder to lean on without any corresponding action, care and attention from the other party then there’s a problem.

The literal definition of a relationship whether it be just a friendship or an emotional relationship is a mutual affection between two people. For a relationship to even exist in the first place there must be some sort of agreement between the two or more parties involved – you must see something you like or appreciate in the other person, whether it’s their physical features or character etc.

Keeping a friendship or relationship is a lot of work for two people talk-less of one where one person is doing all the work it’s burdensome. Most times we clearly see that we’re in a one sided relationship but we try to thwart reality by placing unattainable expectations on the other partner instead of adjusting ourselves to the reality of things.

Signs of a one sided relationship /friendship

  1. You make all the plans – Are you the one usually thinking of new places or new events you both could try out? But you always get hit with the “I’m busy right now” or the “I won’t be available ” or the “let me get back to you” answers. Like “bitch hit me up when you’re free then -if you are ever free”?
  2. You do all the texting – you’re always the one texting and they hardly reply your texts, (like why the hell do they have a phone anyway) and even when they reply all you get are one word answers like K.(isn’t that potassium how is that even a reply)
  3. They make everything about them – whenever you guys hit up or talk to each other is the conversation always about THEM? The conversation always circulates around what they’ve being up to or how their life is going or that new hot guy or girl they are interested in. There is usually little or no correlating interest in your life or they seem bored with any minute detail you try to bring up about your life and they just spin the conversation back to themselves.
  4. They guilt-trip you– Do they make you feel guilty whenever you disagree with them or try to do your thing or emotionally blackmail you into do things they want. They are most happy when you do the things they want you to do even if it makes you uncomfortable . It might be something as little as you wanting to leave a party or the club earlier than him or her and they guilt you into staying as late as they want even though you don’t want to.
  5. You’re not happy – we can only pretend to be happy for so long. We can live out our own perception of reality until we’re finally slapped with the actual reality we have been trying to ignore. The fact remains that you want something more you crave for love, care and attention that you’ve being starved of .
  6. They’re unwilling to make any sacrifice – they’re all about the benefits that comes along with the relationship or friendship without attempting to put in any efforts or compromise. Sacrifice and compromise in a relationship is one sure way of preventing conflict and arguments but when you are the only who keeps compromising without any contribution from the other party it gets burdensome and annoying. It gets to a point where you begin to feel like you’re being used while your partner reaps all the benefits of your compromise.
  7. They don’t listen – and neither do they allow you to talk. One for the benefits of having someone in your life as a friend and partner is to be able to not just share your joy and achievements but your sorrows as well. And just having someone share your burden can be a relief – but when that’s not the case then there’s a problem. When you keep things away from them because you’re sure they’ll brush it under the carpet as useless and they just disregard your feelings and ideas. Whilst making you feel like a burden along the way,they have a way of making you feel down in the dumps after every interaction.
  8. They disrespect you and your decisions – they make decisions on your behalf without your input or feelings been taken into consideration and expect you to just “flow” with it. They’re basically toxic and negative.
  9. They only call you when they’re in need – they only text or call about things that are sure to benefit them, like when they’re in need of a loan or a ride to the mall.
  10. They’ve unreasonable expectations -and expect you to act and behave in a certain way when around them.

Dealing with one sided affection

  • Communication – Talk to the party(ies) involved, some times the person is just overwhelmed with other aspects of their lives either academics or family. In such cases the least they would want is you throwing it to their fact that they just haven’t being attentive enough to you. Sometimes he or she just doesn’t know how to express their love adequately to meet your own expectations. So communicate with them and explain how exactly you feel and if there’s no change even after that – it’s time to drop them like a bad habit
  • Stop hurting yourself waiting for someone to change when he or she doesn’t make a conscious effort to change. You’ll just keep doing damage to yourself and dashing your own hopes.
  • A little payback – Why not sit back and actually give them a little taste of their own medicine. Be busy-dont always be available for people who won’t do same for you,keep your damn self busy as well. Stop rushing to answer their texts and calls like you would normally do give it some time as they would normally do yours. Trust me it’s reliving not to be tied to the obligation of being the one giving the most.
  • Distance yourself – You might not necessarily end the relationship but give him or her some space, protect your mental health and emotions from negative and toxic people at all costs. At a point it just begins to lose its entire purpose,trust me if the person treasures that relationship as much as you do he or she would be putting the same effort. Spare yourself the heartache and be open to others because the more you place your focus on that person the more you lose sight of what’s truly important and other people who’re just as important and would value you more

Give as much love as you receive from the other person. Don’t go above and beyond for someone who won’t walk a mile for you. Move with those who deserve an know your worth and distance yourself from those who only see you for what you can offer.

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Hey and welcome to my little corner Abbey's chronicles, a blog where I share my raw and unbiased thoughts on issues on mental health, lifestyle, wellness and self care. No topic is ever off limit as long as it affects lives and relationships, it's subject to discussion. This blog strives to provide solace for everyone going through issues they might not be able to talk about on a daily. My name is Abbey, a mental health advocate and enthusiast with a love for helping people who feel alone or are facing issues relating to life and mental health issues with the aim of raising awareness as well as providing succor. This blog was started as an avenue for me to deal with my own monsters. The aim of starting this blog was to for it to serve as some sort of therapy during my darkest times of depression and though it isn't all over yet, I hope this blog serves as a form of therapy to others going through similar issues relating to life and mental health. Finally in my free time I can be seen drowning in movies, food, sleep and books. I guess I am a blogger at night and an aspiring medical student at other times.

6 Comments

  • Beauty of my chaotic mind

    This is something I can definitely relate to. I have found myself in one sided friendships many times in my life and it took my diagnosis to realise that, but I ended those relationships and feel so much better for it! Thank you for sharing this lovely. It’s another reminder to not allow one sided relationships to steal our joy and to take action!

  • Gemma Newbery

    I think this is a subject that more people can relate to than they’d like to admit. The distancing part is especially important because I think you have to accept that there’s some things you can’t change, so moving on is a healthy change you can make.

  • Charli Dee

    Really great post Abbey! I love the tone of it! You gave serious tips, but still made a funny read! I was laughing at some parts! You make great points. Trying to chase after someone who doesn’t make you feel treasured is not good for anyone’s mental health. I make efforts to treasure my relationships, and I want my loved ones to be open with me if they are not feeling treasured. I expect the same treatment in return of course! Also, I don’t like cutting people off, and I usually work hard to try work any issues out, but if I notice that a relationship is doing more harm than good it’s definitely time to let go. It’s hard, but necessary sometimes. Again, great post, and welcome back!

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